Coldocalypse 2015

Unless it's rimmed with salt and has tequila in it, I don't do cold. I am not built to withstand the humidity and heat of the South, either.  Rather than be outside in Atlanta's July, I'd prefer to stand behind the exhaust pipe of a MARTA bus. Give me HVAC or give me death. And that's the only reason I survive any weather extreme -- because of man-made temperature control.

Today it's 13 degrees out.  Like most parents in Georgia, I too am suffering from PTSD from last year. Schools closed right after we got back from Holiday Break because though no snow or ice was present, it was just too damn cold. Then February of 2014 the Snowocalypse hit.  School closed again right after another week long break. This time there was a ridiculous amount of snow... for Georgia. 

I love my kids, but maybe there's such a thing as too much quality time and we quickly ran out of activities. The Momma-made Scrabble game only lasted for 10 minutes and no one wanted to do yoga with my five-year-old girl. Winter in my house was starting to feel like Orange is the New Black. To make matters worse, our craftsman style prison was being repeatedly taunted by the Robocall Lady.  Every hour, it seemed, we'd get calls to remind us that school would be closed again. I began to despise Robocall Lady.  But who is she? Does she have a family? Is this her full-time job? Does Robocall Lady know Siri? 

An Open Letter to Ryan Gosling

Dear Ryan Gosling,

Let me be frank, I stalked you today and it was disappointing.  The only reason I went looking for you is because my friend Brooke, who is 40,000 weeks pregnant, was stuck at work and she couldn't stalk you. I was her proxy. My only lead was: The Facebook. And the fact that you had been in Criminal Records about 20 minutes before I arrived on scene.

I'm not built to be a Paparazzi, Ryan Gosling. But I did come up with a check list of what I needed to do to prepare, much like The Meisner Technique.

Evidently, I was either not incognito enough or you had left the locale before I got there. Either way, I was looking good and I was looking for a Hanukkah present.

Unfortunately, I did not really find what I needed: Neither you, nor gift.  But as the saying goes:  

It wasn't over. It still isn't over.

Perhaps, tomorrow I'll head Downtown, where you're shooting a movie. Plus, I hear there's great shops at The Underground.

Yours truly,