Living life without regrets is often my motivation. Because of this I've taken actions that may be deemed unthinkable to most: Telling college crushes I liked them, starting a new career as a comedian and eating questionable grocery store sushi. Not all these situations have boded well, but I'm happy that at least I know the outcome and that none have resulted in downing Pepto.
However there are times I want to go back in time: To hold my kids again as babies, visit with relatives who've since passed and perhaps buy stock in Facebook. Though time travel is an impossibility, I like to prepare my readers for the unforeseeable [like putting together a Weber Grill solamente], so I've created a Time Machine Guide. It's more CraigsList Classifieds than Kelly Blue Book, as they may be defective or likely to kill you. Either way, there's no time like the present to pick your mode of time travel!
Mall of Amanda's Time Machine Guide
The Phone Booth (Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures)
Pros: This time machine may come with Keanu Reeves.
Cons: This time machine may come with Keanu Reeves.
The Hot Tub (The Hot Tub Time Machine)
Pros: It's a hot tub... a hot tub TIME MACHINE, y'all!
Cons: Not safe for time travel if you're pregnant
The DeLorean (Back to the Future -- all parts)
Pros: The Mr. Fusion model runs on garbage so you can impress neighbors with your eco-friendly car choice. It's like the Tesla of time travel.
Cons: Does not come with its own Uber Driver.
The Time Machine Modulus (Napoleon Dynamite)
Pros: Comes fully-loaded with tots, Gosh!
Cons: Doesn't freakin' work.