Why Not a Beastie Resolution?

I know myself. I’ve been the same person since I was 5, except now I can buy my own candy, I’ve got boobs and I’m a much better driver. So every year my New Year’s resolution is the same: Don’t make New Year’s resolutions. Because whatever I could resolve to do that’s different than my usual, I know I will cease doing within a few weeks.  It’s not because I’m lazy (which I am). It’s not because I’m not motivated (which I’m not). It’s because I am (like most) a creature of habit. I watch too much TV. I take pride in the fact that I don’t run. And I’m very judgmental and wary of people who do not like the Beastie Boys.

Around the New Year we reminisce, reassess and resolve. And this year, I'm thinking maybe I can resolve to live differently or at least, maybe I should think about it.  So I looked towards the Beastie Boys as my influence for a 2015 of resolutions I can perhaps achieve.  Here are some lyrics that I have found hidden meaning from to inspire a Beastie Resolution in my life.

• The Lyric: Coolin' on the corner on a hot summer day; Just me, my posse and M.C.A. (Album: License to Ill; Song: The New Style)

The Hidden Meaning: Spend more time with my friends and family. Make them listen to the Beastie Boys. Also maybe create an Atlanta MCA Day.

• The Lyric: With bottle in hand at the microphone stand (Album: License to Ill; Song: Slow Ride)

The Hidden Meaning: I seriously need to do more karaoke....while drinking.

• The Lyric: I got trees on my mirror so my car won't smell (Album: License to Ill; Song: Slow Ride)

The Hidden Meaning: I've got a bouillabaisse of kids' snacks available at any given moment on our minivan's floor board. I need to do a better job of keeping our swagger wagon clean.

• The Lyric: What's up with your bad breath onion rings (Album: Paul's Boutique; Song: Shake Your Rump)

The Hidden Meaning: Stop telling my husband his breath smells. It hurts his feelings. But also stop making him onion rings.

• The Lyric: It's finger lickin', finger lickin' good, y'all (Album: Check Your Head; Song: Finger Lickin' Good)

The Hidden Meaning: I had been a vegetarian for 19 years but kept on having reoccurring dreams about Publix's fried chicken. So I ate it.  I've been questioning this choice, but now I realize it was a good one. I'm going to eat more fried chicken in 2015.  It's finger lickin' good y'all. And frankly, tofu doesn't cut it.

• The Lyric: 'Cause life ain't nothing but a good groove; A good mix tape to put you in the right mood (Album: Check Your Head; Song: Professor Booty)

The Hidden Meaning: Things don't make people happy in the long run. But music does.  In 2015, I vow to stop purchasing toys for my kids for their birthdays and Hanukkah and instead find my old double deck boom box and make a solid mix tape for them instead. They'll totally appreciate the thought.

• The Lyric: If you want a doodoo rhyme then come see me (Album: Ill Communication; Song: Sure Shot)

The Hidden Meaning: My kids are afraid of the toilet, which is why they always need my company. In 2015, I'm going to get more creative about getting them to be independent poopers by penning my own rap about the potty. Something like "These trips to the potty are making me a bit petulant. Wipe your own tush or you're out of the Will and Testament."

All in all these are resolutions I can stick to.  Whether or not I keep them after a month is another scenario. Even if life is status quo come February,my motto about life is: I get it, I got it, I know it's good. Happy 2015, y'all!

Are there any Beastie Boys rhymes that inspire you? Share below. 

#RIPMCA

#theRealAnnie

When I was five, there were many things I obsessed over: break dancing, charm bracelets, eventually having boobs like Dolly Parton's. Hey, it was the 80's. At least I had a Cabbage Patch Kid habit and not a cocaine one. But my ultimate obsession was Annie. There were characteristics in her I saw within myself -- her precociousness, her tenacity and of course, that Jewfro. 

With the new theatrical release of Annie out in theaters, I can't help but feel forlorn for the original Annie.  I'm also left pondering: Where is the real Annie now and what has she been up to?  Does she think of me? 

So like any good fan-girl, I hired a private investigator to search out and find #therealAnnie. Evidently, she's leading a quiet life in Atlanta.  Check out some pics he got!

Here's the real Annie walking her dog (what a good citizen cleaning up the dog poop as well... that Annie!)

Annie likes beer at Hop City, too, just like us!  (I'm betting she may have been hitting up Daddy Warbucks' liquor cabinet in those teen years though).

She was spotted recently working behind the counter at Grand Champion BBQ at The Krog Street Market too. 

The real Annie on The Atlanta BeltLine. She must live in   Midtown. Seriously, who wears  shoes like that to get their exercise on?

As the private investigator is still on the payroll, I'm hoping to get more pics of the real Annie. But if you happen to spot her anywhere, please send me the pics and location and I'll update the blog! 

Top 8 Hanukkah Gifts for the Hipster Jew

As procrastination goes, this list of the Top 8 Hanukkah Gifts is hitting the inter tubes pretty late I know. But inspiration strikes when it does and I've been busy playing with my dreidel.  We all have special people in our lives: Spouses, best friends, the cashier at the package store.  But this list is dedicated for that Hipster Jew in your life. Ya know, that millennial cousin who's usually judging your parenting AND social media skills during Thanksgiving dinner -- that guy! So here's the list. I've checked it twice.

#1 The Hanukkah Sweater (A lovely variety at ModernTribe)

#2 The Dr. Dreidel (By Artist Hannah Rothstein)

#3 Tickets to Heeb Magazine's Heebonism Xmas Eve Party

#4 Moses Action Figure

#5 Take My Wife, Please! Henny Youngman's Giant Book of Jokes

#6 Beastie Boys Cross Stitch Artwork

#7 Dog Yarmulke and Tallis (For the future Bark Mitzvah)

#8 The Nice Jewish Guys 2015 Calendar

An Open Letter to Ryan Gosling

Dear Ryan Gosling,

Let me be frank, I stalked you today and it was disappointing.  The only reason I went looking for you is because my friend Brooke, who is 40,000 weeks pregnant, was stuck at work and she couldn't stalk you. I was her proxy. My only lead was: The Facebook. And the fact that you had been in Criminal Records about 20 minutes before I arrived on scene.

I'm not built to be a Paparazzi, Ryan Gosling. But I did come up with a check list of what I needed to do to prepare, much like The Meisner Technique.

Evidently, I was either not incognito enough or you had left the locale before I got there. Either way, I was looking good and I was looking for a Hanukkah present.

Unfortunately, I did not really find what I needed: Neither you, nor gift.  But as the saying goes:  

It wasn't over. It still isn't over.

Perhaps, tomorrow I'll head Downtown, where you're shooting a movie. Plus, I hear there's great shops at The Underground.

Yours truly,

@mallofamanda

What did the bookcase say when she got an iPhone? Time for a shelfie.

I'm obsessed with my reflection. I'd like to say this was a problem I've had since childhood, but honestly I see it as a benefit. I've been posing in front of the mirror, since I first glanced at a looking glass and haven't stopped.  It's an art form really and a confidence booster.  A self-confidence booster and you cannot get that from anywhere else, see, because only yourSELF can give that to you, see. Like most girls, I've come up with a jillion justifications to need a picture of myself-- Facebook profile update, artistic prowess, lipstick application.  Judge me all you want. I'm judging myself. And I vote ADORABLE. You're looking pretty cute yourself. What's the most ridiculous selfie you've taken?